Deep in thought 

I have managed to hurt my back. Actually, it’s the area just above my right hip on my back and it is making it virtually impossible to stand or walk. 

Because of that, I have decided to spend a few days at home. 

The problem with being cooped up while Julie is at work is that my mind wanders. Luckily, today it is not settling on the grim world of cancer that it has typically been living in. 

Instead, I’m thinking about love. 

Yes, I am a self proclaimed romantic. I hold the door open for Julie, being home flowers on a Tuesday, just because they make her smile, and believe that fate brought us together again after all these years. 

But what if? 

I have had several (ok. Many) failed relationships. I played just as big a role in them as my partners, so I am well aware that I too have many character defects that contribute to my own failures. 

But, I have my dream girl. My soul mate. The love of my life. Now…

What if things hadn’t played out the way they did?

There’s an old song that goes, “love the one your with”

Is it that easy? I mean, if you know who your heart belongs to but circumstances, fears, past pain, or just bad timing mean that you can’t be with the one your heart belongs to, is it truly possible to find a suitable substitution? 

I’ve often wondered if I could ever be truly happy with anyone other than Julie or if I would simply be content. 

Don’t get me wrong, there is something to be sad for contentment but would I be able to truly devote myself to the relationship and not feel like there is more out there? 

I realize I don’t have to worry about that but at one point I did. 

I can remember laying in bed at night, my partner next to me, feeling grateful for her presence in my life but simultaneously wondering, “is this it?”

I wonder if I’m the only one who has these thoughts. 

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