I haven’t heard from C since the text where I told her we shouldn’t speak again.
Funny. I feel a bit hypocritical. Telling her that communication isn’t going to work for us then feeling a little sad that we aren’t communicating.
Last night I was talking to my friend M who lives in North Carolina. Another of my life long companions that will always come to my aid.
We talked briefly about C. In that conversation, I discussed possibly unfriending her on Facebook in order to simply shut the door on that part of my life. Her response? “If you do that, she may contact you to find out why.”
She’s right. I hadn’t thought about that but if she is aware of what I’m doing through Facebook, removing that may prompt a reaction.
At first I thought that’s what I wanted. Then I realized that communication isn’t what I want from her. I want to be mean. I want to have her call or text me so I can lash out and be just a big a shit to her that I perceive that she’s been to me.
That’s not who I want to be. I don’t want to be the type of person that feels the need to hurt someone just because they’ve hurt me.
Right now, I’m not sure what I’ll do. I avoid her on Facebook and even block her from seeing things that I think she would be promoted to comment on or “like”.
I do hate being stuck between walking away and charging forward.