Humor gets me through. 

So, the last few days have been terrible. I’m having to travel to BFE to try to staff our jobs in New Mexico and just reading the resumes has me leaning towards the notion that our education system is in much worse shape than I thought. 

SPELL CHECK, PEOPLE!!

Just as I was ready to throw in the towel and give up on my day, our marketing director calls. 

Randi: “Why the fuck do all the field inspectors insist on using my iCloud account??”

Me: “Because Chris is too cheap to set up individual ones. I use my personal one because I don’t want all their crap uploading to my devices!”

Randi: “And I appreciate that. However, I’m fairly certain the porn on your device is better than the porn on Ralph’s. I did NOT want to see midgets fucking at 7 am! Eww!”

Recouping 

This morning I had an appointment at the retinal surgeon. That sounds like such a scary thing until they tell you that 99% of what they do now is laser surgery. 

About two weeks ago I was hurt at work on the project in Beaumont. We were driving piles for one of the bridges.  For the sake of time, here’s a link that explains the process. 

Our piles are being embedded into footings that will be 6′ deep. Because of that, I was standing in a hole that was 8’X8’X6′ with three others when the pile shattered. They are 18″ square and 65′ long and made of prestressed concrete. That means it’s some pretty hard shit! 

Long story short, when that sucker shattered, chunks of concrete went flying everywhere and since we were inside the footing, we had no where to go to avoid being hit. 

Luckily, we are all used to that tell tale “ping” when the stress limit has been reached so we ducked for cover. 

Even with our quick reflexes and safety gear, all of us were still pretty banged up. Benny has a broken hand and had 14 stitches in his forehead. Louis has a broken leg, several broken ribs and he dislocated his knee. 

Me? I ended up with 3 broke ribs, a mild concussion and a cut on my head and a piece of cable in my right eye. I later discovered that I also suffered a mild fracture to my cheek bone but I’ll get into that later. 

Mostly, my injuries were mild considering what could have happened. 

I was put on a weeks comp (which I fucking hate!) and went home. Julie took care of me and I had a chance to sit around and do absolutely nothing! Yes, if I hadn’t been home with my wife, I would have hated every minute!

Anyways, a week went by and I noticed I was having blurry vision in my eye and this black spot that would “float” in my line of vision. I decided that I needed to go back to the opthalmologist. 

In her exam, she discovered that I had a small tear in my retina. We still don’t know if it was a result of me over exerting myself during my recovery or if it was missed when I went to the ER. Either way, she sent me to a retinal surgeon. On Friday morning, I went in to get my eye zipped up!

During the prep, they kept touching the cheek area around that eye and it was still sore as hell! The bruising had gone down but I was having headaches that felt more like sinus issues and it was sensitive to touch. Because of that, the doctor sent me upstairs to get an X Ray. That’s when they discovered I had the fracture. It’s the same cheek I broke when I was in the Army so I’m not sure how I didn’t recognize the familiar pain for what it was. 

The cheek had already started to heal and there’s no noticeable deformation so we all opted to just leave it alone and proceed with the surgery. 

One hour and a much larger dose of anesthesia and I was done. 

  
Handsome devil, huh? That artwork is Julie’s doing! 

Today was the day I got to find out if there is any permanent damage. 

I went in, let the doc shine this light and that in my eye, put in a dose of drops that burnt like hell, and roll my eyeball around like she was playing Yahtzee!

After all that, she announced I was cured!

I still have a little bit of that “gritty” feeling that she said should go away in another few days but I have noticed no floating spot or blurry vision. 

I’ve decided to take off work until Wednesday when I have to fly to New Mexico to start interviewing for our project there. 

Until then, I think I’m expected to build a raised flower bed and install some new lights at the barn. 

No rest for the wicked. 

  

Surely they’ll take away her dyke card!

I’ve been pretty quiet on here lately because life has been hectic. Today is my lazy Sunday at home with Julie, so while she is searching the Internet for the perfect chest to sit at the foot of our bed, I thought I’d jot down a few things. 

The good;

Julie and I met with an architect. We gave her a list of things that we want in our house, which included a lot of photos and DIY articles that Julie had been stashing. She was very receptive and I loved the fact that she wasn’t at all an engineer! (We tend to see the function as more important than the form) 

After paying a reasonable retainer, she has managed to send us several preliminary take offs to look over. Hopefully, by this time next year, construction on our house will be well underway. 

At work we have landed several more contracts. I have hired more inspectors and had to purchase several more trucks for them to use. I’ve also had to explain to the owners of our firm that while a purchase of $42 grand is a lot, that pick up will be paid for in the first month that we bill our client. 

Our latest contract is one that has the potential to both make me crazy and make us a ton of money and build us a terrific reputation, all at the same time. 

It’s a total roadway reconstruction project near Carlsbad, NM. It is a stretch of 42 miles that has been beaten all to hell but the excessive heavy truck traffic coming in an out of the Odessa area. (For those who are unfamiliar, Odessa/Midland is the oil Mecca of Texas and all these trucks are hauling that black gold out of there) 

The kicker is that the project is slated for a brief 90 days. So, in 3 months we will have to have this entire stretch completely finished. 

To put this into perspective, when I was tasked to oversee the reconstruction of a comparable road in Austin, it took a year. 

However, if anyone can do it, it’s me! (At least that’s what we have told the client!) 

Huey is finally getting back on track and we are both registered for the summer semester at school. Yes, I’m still trudging along with my academic endeavors and while some days it seems impossible, when I look at the number of credits I have, I’m pleased to see its getting larger. 

Now..I decided to start this post off with the good because the one area of bad in my life has me fluctuating between frustrated and angry. 

C. Yes, C is back and I’m ready to simply cut that cord and move on. 

About two weeks ago I got a very rude and confusing message from her (let me say this. She will only communicate with me through private messages on Facebook. No texts, emails, etc)

It caught me completely off guard because I hadn’t received anything from her for 3 weeks prior to that. In it she accused me of calling her “ugly, stupid and incapable of loving anyone” 

At first I didn’t respond. I wasn’t sure if she was just trying to bait me into an argument or if she was having another of her now famous tantrums. 

After a while I simply responded with “I didn’t say or think those things. In the future, I would appreciate it if you would ask if I have a certain opinion before you pounce on me”

In typical passive aggressive C fashion, she read my comment but waited another week to respond. Her response was simply, “Agreed”. 

Another week goes by and I get a message from her about how someone has accused her of sleeping with a man. I’m still not certain how that affects me, but in her message she included a screenshot of the exchange. 

I asked her to not send me things like that and she said she understood. That was then followed by a few brief messages back and forth. One of which I reminded her that I have people in my life that I am responsible to and she just doesn’t take priority over them. 

That then prompted her to call me. (Through Facebook by the way)

I answered the phone expecting to hear her continue the discussion we had been having. Instead she proceeded to tell me about work, her kids and other details about her day to day life. 

After a few minutes of awkwardness, I made an excuse about packing for a trip and rushed off the phone. 

This behavior is why I’m convinced she is emotionally unstable. Why she has decided to focus that instability on me is a mystery I may never figure out. 

For now, I’m playing the wait and see game. 

She is acting recklessly and irrationally and after all that has transpired between us, I prefer to distance myself. 

I guess some people never do outgrow the tired dyke drama. 

Some days 

some days I get tired of being the peace keeper. The decision maker. The tolerant one. 

Today was one such day. 

I know it’s just a phase and I’ll feel better in the morning but right now, I am going to go to my apartment, call Julie and have a beer! 

Debate for the ages 

One thing that I truly love about Julie is her ability to engage the part of my brain that controls my critical thinking. She forces me to look outside the box and see situations from a different perspective. 

Have I mentioned that her brain is the sexiest part of her?

Well, I was worried that C would contact me and I’d end up being a complete ass to her. I’m happy to say that yes, she did contact me and, no, I was not. In fact I didn’t really respond at all. One sentence: “I don’t think that.” It was in response to her baiting statement of, “you think I’m ugly, stupid and incapable of love!” 

For the record, I have no clue where that came from but I suspect it was an attempt to prompt me to engage in an argument or a way for her to boost a fragile ego. Either way, I wasn’t going there. 

Anyways, Julie asked me if I did think C was attractive. Now, I’ve been in enough relationships to know when I’m about to be shoved down a slippery slope! Therefore, I thought long and hard about my answer. 

The more I thought about it, the more I found myself in an infinite loop of back and forth, logic twisting with impulse and feelings tangled with reason. 

I finally had my answer: “I think that physically she is attractive, but I am not attracted to her.”

This may sound like one of those “no honey, she’s not as pretty as you” statements that too many women have pulled from their mate, but I assure you, it’s not. 

I never looked at C as a potential love interest. Even when we first met and it would have been possible to pursue a romantic relationship. I can look at her and see physically attractive features; beautiful eyes, thick, dark curly hair, charming smile. But, we all know that I’m not a “go for the eye candy” type. I prefer a woman who not only stimulates me physically, but one that makes me think, feel and brings out the strongest parts of my character. C just doesn’t have those qualities. 

Is she smart? That’s a tough one. It’s hard to go from living with a Ph.D. who is capable of holding a conversation on any topic from Gallois to Kant to finding someone who texts in sentences that have virtually no punctuation or proper spelling. 

Example? “U R gonna have to call me. Lost ur number”

That simply drives me crazy! When I receive texts like that my typical response is, “the word is BEFORE, not B4. This is a conversation, not bingo!”

Next, is the constant confusion and iradict behavior that C has exhibited. 

I understand that after a tragic loss, a person is confused, scared, angry and lost. That can manifest itself in a lot of ways. I can also concede that some of those ways may not be ideal or healthy for the person exhibiting them. However, it’s hard to just forgive and forget when someone has been so hurtful. 

Then there is a lack of direction. When I first met C, she was a veterinarian. Then she started up an online business, then she worked as a hospital administrator. Today? She has decided to be a cop. While I am the first person to say, “chase your dreams and do what makes you happy!” I think that many career changes in just 9 years is a bit ADHD and shows a lack of any true guidance. 

At 40, you should have a general idea of what you want to do with your life! 

Lastly, her “out of sight, out of mind” attitude. She is notorious for focusing only on the projects and people that are in her immediate “bubble”. In short? She sucks at successfully managing tasks and relationships. 

Now, I realize that I sound harsh and that’s not my intention. 

Among C’s better qualities is her undying loyalty to her children and family. Her sensitive nature that makes you feel a sense of protectiveness towards her. Her ability to focus on you and make you feel as though you are the center of attention when you are in her “bubble”. 

She is completely devoted to her partners and wants nothing more than to have a peaceful, loving home environment. 

When I first met my ex, there wasn’t much of a physical attraction. As time went on, I started to become attracted to her. Likewise, when things went bad, I found it harder and harder to find and recapture that attraction. 

That’s how it is with C. I can easily see how she could be considered attractive to someone else. The problem is that she doesn’t possess the inner qualities that I find most appealing and therefore I am not attracted to her. 

As I explained my theory, Julie sat there listening and smiled. “That makes perfect sense.”

Now, I don’t know if I would have ever thought as deeply about this had she not asked the question, but I love the fact that she has the unique ability of forcing me to think about things that help me realize just what makes me, me! 

Sorry..not sorry. 

I haven’t heard from C since the text where I told her we shouldn’t speak again. 

Funny. I feel a bit hypocritical. Telling her that communication isn’t going to work for us then feeling a little sad that we aren’t communicating. 

Last night I was talking to my friend M who lives in North Carolina. Another of my life long companions that will always come to my aid. 

We talked briefly about C. In that conversation, I discussed possibly unfriending her on Facebook in order to simply shut the door on that part of my life. Her response? “If you do that, she may contact you to find out why.”

She’s right. I hadn’t thought about that but if she is aware of what I’m doing through Facebook, removing that may prompt a reaction. 

At first I thought that’s what I wanted. Then I realized that communication isn’t what I want from her. I want to be mean. I want to have her call or text me so I can lash out and be just a big a shit to her that I perceive that she’s been to me. 

That’s not who I want to be. I don’t want to be the type of person that feels the need to hurt someone just because they’ve hurt me. 

Right now, I’m not sure what I’ll do. I avoid her on Facebook and even block her from seeing things that I think she would be promoted to comment on or “like”. 

I do hate being stuck between walking away and charging forward.