There are alpha personalities and beta personalities in this world.
While one isn’t necessarily better than the other, our society has told us that being an “alpha dog” is a sign of strength and success.
I am an alpha. Julie is also an alpha.
Some days that makes for a rather interesting dynamic in our household. Two dominant, competitive, assertive and opinionated people under one roof? It seems like a formula for disaster, right?
Well, throw all that alpha/beta crap out the window!
On my way back to Beaumont, I was chatting with a friend of mine about this very subject. We talked about how maybe I’m NOT actually an alpha.
My ex? A beta. The ex before her? A beta. The one before that?? Well, you get the point.
My friend, A hypothesized that perhaps I’m actually a beta and that’s why my relationships with other beta personalities failed soon after take off but Julie and I have been successful in the past and now. Or maybe that has zero impact, afterall!
Ok. Let’s break this down.
Typically, alpha personality types are ambitious, well educated, independent, well spoken and have a high libido. (No, I didn’t make that last one up. Out of the many articles I’ve read, they all agree that in any species the alpha tends to be more sexually active)
Beta personality types generally display a submissive body language. Fidgeting with their hands or fingers is a common one in conversation. They are afraid to take risks, prefer a “wait and see” attitude and typically insecure. Now, there was no mention in their sex drive but I’m fairly certain this type of person lacks a certain amount of confidence that would make them a beast in the sheets.
One trait that beta’s have that I look upon as a benefit is their ability to see things from a cautious perspective. That “wait and see” attitude tends to keep them from rushing head first into a brick wall as an alpha would do. They also are incredibly supportive and forgiving.
So..I don’t want you to think my opinion of a beta person is that they are weak and unappealing.
Well, Julie and I may both be alphas, but as A pointed out, relationships can’t be broken down into simple little boxes. If that were true, we’d all be given a quiz to take in college that would match us with our perfect mate!
What the two of us have is the ability to bring together two imperfect people and create the perfect union.
What do you mean, Lee?
Well, let me explain…
Julie is an academic. She approaches virtually all scenarios from a research and learn perspective. I’m a hammer. The biggest tool in the tool box that has only one job; get things done.
When tackling new projects or moving forward with ideas, Julie will weigh the pros and cons. She will research and study every aspect. She’ll compare possible outcomes and then make an informed decision about how to move forward. Then, she gives me the green light and I make that goal a reality!
The homestead for example. She knew what she wanted. She spent a lot of time and energy deciding how she wanted to go about achieving our mutual goals for the animals and the demo of the existing house. She relayed to me what she wanted, and I made the calls, negotiated the prices and dates and it was done! Tada!
Another example is how we approach things from an emotional perspective. She likes to brood. At first, I thought she was being childish and passive aggressive. Expecting me to figure out what was going on in her pretty little head. Instead, what was actually taking place was that the wheels were turning as she considered the consequences of speaking from the heart.
Me? Fuck it! If I’m pissed, you’re going to know it! I’m like a beer that has been shaken up. You pull the tab and I spew. But, just like a beer, my tantrum is over as quickly as it started and I’m done. No more anger or frustration.
We’ve learned, also that both of these ways of dealing with unpleasant situations have their uses.
When she is trying to deal with Milly and some recent debate that could easily escalate to full out global-thermal nuclear war, the approach of taking time to weigh the consequences is best.
On the flip side, when she took the truck in for brake pads and the tried to charge her well over a grand saying she needed a new master cylinder, my approach saved the day! A bully tends to respond to another bully.
As A stated, it’s not that we are too much alike to be successful, we are alike enough to. We each have strengths that the other lacks.
Julie’s is tact, patience and a diplomatic sense of communication.
Mine is a fearless need for fairness and a desire to protect and provide for those who are not as strong as me.
We also have weaknesses. (I’m not crazy enough to list those!! I like seeing my wife naked and anything that could be seen as a criticism could jeopardize that!!)
What we have is balance. I am strong where she is weak. She makes my weaknesses less of a hindrance because of her abilities in those areas.
So does the alpha, beta, delta, omega issue factor in?
To some extent, probably. But for us, it’s more about yin and yang than anything else!