I got a message from someone telling me that my most recent ex had some rather unflattering things to say about me.
Well, that’s her choice.
I held a lot of rage towards her for months. I dated a few women and then Julie and I reconnected. Since then, it’s as if every thing about my ex became petty and insignificant.
No, I didn’t read her blog or go to see if I could glean some tidbit of information from her Twitter or Facebook. Truthfully, I’m not sure she even keeps up with any of them anymore.
What’s my point?
Well. I guess it’s that I don’t really care. I left the relationship at her insistence and chose to never look back. My life with her went from great to shit in the blink of an eye.
If she is aware of my life with Julie, then it’s possible that she sits back and thinks, “that will never last” and that too, is her right.
She was a part of my life that I needed to experience.
Life with her taught me that I don’t have to always “win” when Julie and I argue. She taught me that it’s ok to be the real me and if my partner wants me to change, they aren’t meant for me. She taught me that I don’t want anymore fucking kids!!!! I’m content with my grandson and little H to play with from time to time!!
I’m happy. I mean truly happy. Not the “yeah I’m getting laid and there’s no more pressure from friends to date” happy that I had with her but a “I will be proud to hold this woman’s hand at the bitter end, if she’ll let me” happy.
I have long meaningful and thought provoking conversations about things like Gaza and the Saudi governments policies to police their own people. (With all due respect to my ex. She probably doesn’t even realize there is an uproar over beheadings in Saudi).
I am married. Yes. Legally, lawfully, the state of Texas in all its redneck glory can kiss my ass because I’m a resident of Illinois and said “I do!” In front of a priest, married!!
I have a home. I have a farm. I have a career that I could have never had with my ex!
So yes. I am grateful for my ex. She taught me how to love Julie, unconditionally. She put me through hell so I could appreciate what I have now more than I would have otherwise! And she pushed me out when my stupid sense of duty would have made me stay!
If she reads this someday? That’s ok. I still don’t fucking like you! Sorry. But I’m sure you still don’t fucking like me! And I’m ok with that!
Now. If she feels the need to continue to talk or blog about me? Again. That’s her choice. As for wishing her the best? I really couldn’t give a rats ass if she’s happy or not. Not my circus…not my monkeys!