Let’s talk about C, shall we?
I have detailed how I have tried to be supportive of the struggles she is going through. She lost her partner and has been trying to figure out what her place in the world is, again.
For several years, her partner was the center. The strong one that everyone knew and loved. C had become an extension of her rather than remaining her own individual self. Now that is gone, she’s wondering how to move forward.
She lives in a tiny town where everyone knows her and everyone loved her partner.
She is met, daily, with reminders of what she lost. People will walk up to her on the street and tell her how sad they are, how they can’t believe her partner is gone, etc.
I could see how these comments from people were hurting her, so I refused to treat her as if she was “damaged”. If she was being an ass, I told her so. If she was in a good mood, I joked along with her.
I never brought her partner up, but was always willing to listen when she needed to talk about her.
My job was to comfort my friend, not to try to find a way to heal myself, as the others in her life were doing.
She became a pet project to several of the people in town. They still continue to fix her dinners, clean her house and have pretty much taken over for her.
One friend, in particular, I don’t know how much I trust. Granted, she’s not my friend but the way she has latched on to C makes me question her motivation.
I told C I wasn’t ready to see her just yet. I think both of us need time to get back to a point where trust and respect are once again the foundation of our friendship.
I also don’t like the way that she can’t seem to bring herself to stop allowing others to run her life.
She has two kids. They need a mom. They lost a parent just like she lost a partner. They need her to at least be somewhat strong through this.
I’ve been trying to communicate with her since her apology. I text or send messages through Facebook but typically, those conversations are shallow and superficial.
I’ll send her a simple text in the morning asking how her day is going and I won’t hear back from her for days.
The sad truth is I’m done.
The friend that I once had that I thought so highly of died the day her partner died. She has been replaced by someone that I not only don’t like, but don’t want to be a part of my life.
I feel like shit because of this.
I know she is grieving and I know that people grieve in different ways. But, I really don’t feel like being clumped into an ever expanding pool of people that she feels are at her disposal when it suits her.