I used to try to describe Julie to people. Back before life as we know it today became my reality.
Back when we hadn’t spoken in years. When our only involvement in each other’s lives were the occasional Google search to glean even the slightest bit of information.
The thing that usually prompted these discussions with people were the typical questions. “Who was your first love? How did you really know you were gay?”
That’s when it would take me back to a time when I was young, healthy, optimistic and in love. I had the world at my feet. Just waiting for me to grab it with both hands and mold it into whatever I wanted it to be!
She is the one that got away.
She was the love of my life.
She was my first kiss, first sex, first everything.
She was the only person I loved more than myself.
People would think I was sentimentally foolish to continue to carry such a blazing torch for her.
I would smile when I would see photos of her and Milly. Always with a twinge of regret, but satisfied that she had found love and happiness.
I was proud when I would read of her accomplishments. First her MBA then her Ph.D. Onward and upward!
Today when someone asks about her, my response is easy; “She is the part of me that has been missing for so long, I’d gotten used to being incomplete!”
She forces me to live outside of my comfort zone. She pushes me to live up to my full potential. And her embrace makes me want to be a better person.
When we are away from each other, I wake up each morning…grab my St. Patrick medallion and say a prayer. Praying that I’ll be home soon and that he will watch over her in my absence.
Some days we struggle, as any couple who is separated by a thousand miles would.
I don’t get angry or frustrated. I don’t feel jealous or insecure. I simply remind myself that she is in this just as much as I am. Just like me…she is trying!
By May I will have executed all my contracts. I will have inspectors in place and we will officially be “boots on the ground!” Best of all? I will be home!