Today I’m boarding a plane.
That is becoming an all too familiar phrase for me.
I am traveling to Amarillo, TX and then renting a car and driving to Clovis, NM. There isn’t an airport there so our only options are to try and get close.
When I went to visit C after her partner died, I had to fly into Roswell and then she drove an hour to pick me up.
Apparently, airports aren’t a big deal for them.
I told C that I’m not comfortable meeting her for dinner while I’m there. I explained that I feel too much respect and trust has been lost for us to sit across from each other and pretend not to feel betrayed.
I talked to Julie about it. Playing the scenario out in my head: An awkward greeting at the restaurant. Forcing small talk about kids, work, weather. A drink ordered by both of us to help ease the tension. A meal that is eaten in silence. An even more awkward good bye.
I’m a funny person when I’ve been hurt.
I put a wall up. Not so much to keep people out, but to keep my anger in.
Lashing out at her won’t help an already tense situation. Telling her that I’m disappointed in her behavior towards me and other friends won’t change what has transpired.
What will help? Time. Communication.
C is not big on communication. She is also someone that acts rather impulsively. A big part of me thinks that this whole dinner invite was just that. An impulsive act.
Whatever the reason, I’m on my way. Trying to gather up another contract so I can put our firm in the ranks of contenders for the Illiana!