I heard from C yesterday.
She sent me a message on Facebook apologizing. Explaining that things were so hard for her and she felt that she had put me in an awkward and impossible position. When I didn’t react as others had, she lashed out. Pushing me away.
I accepted her apology and tried to make light of the situation. Then she asked me if she could take me to dinner when I’m in New Mexico for work.
My response? “If I can find time, I’d like that!”
That was a lie!
Truth is…she hasn’t added me back to her Facebook page and my phone number is still blocked. I also discovered today that she has taken a job where her partner used to work.
All these things make me wonder exactly what her motives are for contacting me. I’m not implying it’s anything cynical, but if she’s not moving forward, she’s either standing still or going in reverse.
I tried to be polite and non committal but I think I will simply live life. If she contacts me again, I’ll be honest with her. Just tell her the truth and let the chips fall where they may!
What is the truth?
I don’t want to see her.
I don’t want to be pulled back into her world of pain and agony only to be tossed away when the next “selfish phase” hits.
I would rather live with the notion that I’ve lost a friend that experience the reality of losing her twice.
Maybe I’m being selfish. Maybe I’m being realistic. Maybe I’m just a little less likely to put myself out there for someone who isn’t willing to do the same.
Do I want to remain friends? Of course. But just like anything else that has suffered, our friendship needs to be nurtured back to life before we can expect it to stand up to anymore abuse.
“I don’t want to see you.”
Those are some pretty harsh words but I don’t know how else to put it!