Tired

Last night I posted how I miss Julie.

I spent the weekend at home but having to fly out early Sunday afternoon made me realize just how tired I am.

I’m sitting in the main lobby of the Texas Toll Authority office, waiting for our turn to present. I have a team of 2 other engineers, one inspector and one environmental officer.

We have 30 minutes to present our case and then 30 minutes to answer a set of questions that the panel has prepared.

When it’s all said and done, I’ll head back to my hotel, change, call for a cab and fly back to Beaumont. Then I’ll spend the next 4 days trying to get back into a routine that involves school, work and flying home on weekends.

Why am I doing all this?? Why am I pushing myself to the point of being ready to snap? Why am I giving up so much time with my wife? Will we survive this?

I sat in my hotel this morning. Silently, somberly praying. Asking God if I’m doing the right thing. Asking for guidance. A sign; any indication of which path I should plant my feet upon.

In the end, if I don’t have Julie and our family…all the success in the world won’t matter. However, throwing in the towel and rushing back home without a way to provide a stable, secure life for us is foolish and reckless.

I’m sure I’ll find my motivation again. I’ll find my bearings and be back on track. But today? Today I would give just about anything to be able to get up in the morning, go to work, and come home each night to my wife.

Nothing glamorous or spectacular. Just life. A mundane, boring, beautiful life!

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