I have successfully navigated my first thanksgiving of married life.

Today, I am spending the day shopping for Christmas and trying to get over this crazy knot that is in my stomach.

I know it sounds strange, but I am more nervous about Christmas than I was about turkey day and we won’t even be in Illinois!

Julie and I have reserved a cabin and will spend Christmas with Louie, Dewey and James. It will be the first time that we have all spent any considerable time together.

Julie is nervous because she’s afraid my girls won’t like her. She is well aware of the fact that my kids come first, but I don’t think she understands that putting their needs and safety as a priority is different than putting any selfish tantrums for attention ahead of her feelings.

Yea, my kids may be grown, but they still have their moments. Moments of jealousy that someone else is interfering in my life.

Both girls expressed their happiness when we got married. They told me that they were happy I had finally found the other half of my soul. They detailed how they could see a definite difference in me since I reconnected with Julie. And, they seemed genuine.

Since living in Louisiana, Dewey has become abrasive. She swears like a sailor and has an “I don’t give a fuck” attitude. Louie is wrapped up in her own world of work, school and trying to save for a new car. Me? I’m just trying to put my life in order so I can stop jetting all over the place!

I’m nervous because Julie is nervous. Don’t get me wrong. I have no problem telling my girls to get their shit together! I’ve done it several times in the past.

I’ve reassured Julie that my girls will love her because I love her. I’ve explained that the nervousness she feels is probably similar to that tinge of terror I feel each time we visit her family.

I know we will have a good time. We will spend our short week together doing whatever we want and celebrating the holiday as a family. Hell, what family doesn’t have a certain amount of drama?

For now, though, I’m trying to find the perfect gifts for my girls and my Girl! Trying to juggle trips home, visits to South Carolina and Virginia with finishing up the last details of this semester.

I’ll get it all in and things will be fine.

I suppose that just like everything else in life, the “first” is always the hardest and scariest!


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