Reality check

This holiday has caused Julie and I to reflect on the past year. I suppose it’s only natural that as 2014 comes to an end, we would look back and come to certain realizations.

1. Nothing is ever gone forever. A loved one may pass away or a relationship may end, but if love truly existed, it will always remain. The heart is an extremely accommodating organ and it will always make room for as much love as you can find to put into it!

2. Relationships should always add to your life, never take away. If you find someone that you are forced to give up your friends, family, career or home to be with, they probably aren’t the “one”. True love will never ask you to sacrifice what was there before it was found.

3. Family, no matter how dysfunctional should come first. I was the first person to hold, kiss and love my children. No matter who comes into their lives, I will always have that. Because of this truth, I will love them until the day I stop living!

4. Time is a bitch! It makes us older, more cynical and less flexible. It causes us to lose sight of our dreams and goals and has a way of robbing us of our strength. Because of that, live for now! Tomorrow may never show itself.

5. True love never dies. It may fade, it may be forced to the background and it may be wrapped up in anger and frustration from time to time. But true, unconditional love will never go away.

6. No matter who we are with we will hurt them. It may be an angry word spoken in haste or an unintentional moment of selfishness, but if you love someone, you will cause them pain. If that love wasn’t there, the pain wouldn’t be possible.

Probably the most important of all!

7. Anger, frustration, confusion, jealousy….these emotions WILL fade. If I find myself feeling any of these, I stop and remember the truth of #5. When the negative slips away, the love is still there. Never make a permanent decision based on a temporary feeling!

Happy holidays, my friends!

Thank you Chick-Fil-A

You are probably asking yourself why a newly wed lesbian is thanking allegedly the most homophobic restaurant chain in the U.S.

Well, anyone who has read my blog knows that I typically don’t follow along with popular opinion just for the sake of riding along on the band wagon.

I like Chick-Fil-A. Or at least their food. I’m a firm believer in “live and let live” so what the owners do with their profits is none of my business.

I’ve always been treated with courtesy and respect and not once have I been made to feel uncomfortable due to my orientation. So…I have no problem with them.

Today has been an increasingly difficult day for Julie. It has been one of those days where if she could have just stayed in the hotel, under the covers she would have faired much better. Sadly, that was not an option.

It started last night when United Airlines lost her bags. Our assumption is that they put them on a different flight when we checked them because my one suitcase and garment bag made it safely to Baton Rouge. Neither of hers showed.

She got up this morning, dressed in a set of my jeans and a sweatshirt (both of which were two sizes too large) and set off to purchase new clothes, toiletries, etc.

While she was out, she had a blowout on the rental. After waiting in a rather iffy part of Baton Rouge for the rental company to send a repair truck, she finished her shopping and started to head back to the hotel. On the way, she got a call from her brother. “After all these years, you couldn’t spend Christmas here?? You know mom and dad are trying!”

That upset her because we made our holiday plans months ago after speaking to both sides of the family.

She gets back to the hotel and decides to soak in a hot bath to help the stress slip away. At that time she discovers there is no hot water. Apparently, the hotel had a water leak and they were repairing it.

She decides to take a quick, cold shower and get dressed. The airline promised the bags would be delivered to our hotel by tonight, but at the time she was dealing with this…nothing.

She goes into the bedroom, takes out the outfit she purchased and notices they hadn’t removed the security tags. These huge, round, magnetic discs are attached to her clothes.

Btw. While all this is going on, I’m in New Orleans picking up Louie whose flight came into the airport there.

She gets back into my ill fitting clothes and goes back to the store. Tries to explain the situation but is met with expressions of disbelief. I can only imagine my girl trying to keep it together while shoving the receipts in their faces just to get them to take the tags off the clothes she’s already purchased!!

After that ordeal, she goes back to the hotel and changes. Does a little more shopping and then decides to go grab a late lunch before Louie and I get back.

She stops at Chick-Fil-A.

She orders her #1 combo and pulls up to the window. As the cashier hands her the drink, Julie hands her the debit card. “Ma’am. Do you have another form of payment? Your card was declined”

As Julie scrambles to find her purse, she realizes that she only grabbed her phone, drivers license and the debit card.

Embarrassed, she starts to hand the woman the drink and apologizes for the misunderstanding. Then this happened….

“It’s ok. You have a Merry Christmas and enjoy your meal!”

The woman gave Julie the drink and meal for free!!!

When she got back, Louie and I were in the hotel room waiting. When she walked in the door and saw me, she broke down. A helpless, defeated sobbing that I have never seen from her before.

As she explained her day (while depositing both make up and snot on my shirt) she slowly brightened up when she told me about Chick-Fil-A.

This woman didn’t have to do that. She could have easily taken the sandwich and fries and served them to another customer. But, instead she gave them to Julie to help brighten her day!

So. Thank you!

Btw. The card was declined because apparently while she was shopping, the bank thought there were suspicious charges and froze the card. All is back to normal now!

Rushing all around!

I’ve been home for a day and a half. Today, Julie and I board a plane and head to Louisiana to pick up Dewey and James. Tuesday, Louie flys to meet us.

These past 24 hours have been odd, to say the least.

I’ve been preoccupied by my own travel plans and helping Julie get the last little bit of shopping done, I’ve neglected some of my friends. C being one of them.

Yesterday I got a text from her. Out of the blue. “Lee-I cut you out of my life because I don’t like your energy. I am choosing not to have you in my life!”

Ok? I got on Facebook to see if something had happened. She has unfriended me. So I tried to call her. She has blocked my number.

As I stand there with a confused look on my face, Julie asked me what was wrong. I just handed her my phone and told her about Facebook and the blocking of my number.

At that point Julie asked me something I wasn’t expecting. “Have you fucked her? At any time?”

No. I’ve never had a romantic or sexual relationship with C. I was confused by not only C’s behavior but by Julie’s question.

After a brief explanation, I started to see if from Julie’s perspective. I fly to NM to see a friend. I then come home and marry my wife and refuse to be baited by C and her behavior. Yep. It kinda looks like a jealous ex.

But we were never that to each other. So I’m not sure where this is all coming from.

I didn’t make any further attempts to contact C. I could text or call from my work phone. Send a message on Facebook. But, if she is actually trying to cut me out of her life, will respect that. If she is just being manipulative, I don’t need that type of person in my life.

Today? I am with the person that matters most to me.

As for C? I hope she finds some peace in her life. That’s all I can give her. Hope.

Conversations

Julie: “well, you didn’t get the 4.0 GPA you were hoping for but you did get a solid B+”

Me: “I’m not disappointed in the grade. I’m disappointed that I allowed things to distract me. If I got a 3.5, I could have done so much better.”

Julie: “Honey, this isn’t a competition. All you need to do is get that degree. Who cares if you’re Magna Cum Laude?”

Me: “I’ll keep that in mind, Doc!”

Did I mention Julie has enrolled in school and is pursuing her SECOND doctorate?? Yeah. Feeling a little like I need to be riding the short bus!!

Raleigh bound

Today I’m sitting on the couch. Drinking coffee and waiting for Julie to get back.

This morning she got on Craigslist and found an (and I quote) “an amazing antique writing desk!”

She then proceeded to call Tina and the two of them are making the 45 minute trek to retrieve said desk.

Now, before you get all, “Lee! Why didn’t you go with? They’ll need help loading it!!” I spent several minutes protesting but once again, Julie and her logic won out. My job? Clean and organize the spot in the bedroom that she has decided will be the desk’s new home.

I leave tomorrow morning at 4 am. I have a presentation and audit in Raleigh so instead of heading back to Texas, I’ll be on my way to North Carolina. I’ve discovered that my new found desire to conquer all contracts has made my boss more than willing to work with me and my weekend home schedule.

That and the fact that the Feds announced yesterday that they have approved funding for the “Illiana” toll project! (Cute little play on words. Illinois/Indiana. Lol) The last stage before the state of Illinois starts accepting bids for construction of the 40 mile, $1.6 billion project. That means I could be home, full time, in less than a year!!

Today? I’m just happy.

I’m home in my sweats, sipping coffee, watching home improvement shows waiting for my wife to get home.

And yes. I love being able to call Julie my wife!!!

Holidays

I have successfully navigated my first thanksgiving of married life.

Today, I am spending the day shopping for Christmas and trying to get over this crazy knot that is in my stomach.

I know it sounds strange, but I am more nervous about Christmas than I was about turkey day and we won’t even be in Illinois!

Julie and I have reserved a cabin and will spend Christmas with Louie, Dewey and James. It will be the first time that we have all spent any considerable time together.

Julie is nervous because she’s afraid my girls won’t like her. She is well aware of the fact that my kids come first, but I don’t think she understands that putting their needs and safety as a priority is different than putting any selfish tantrums for attention ahead of her feelings.

Yea, my kids may be grown, but they still have their moments. Moments of jealousy that someone else is interfering in my life.

Both girls expressed their happiness when we got married. They told me that they were happy I had finally found the other half of my soul. They detailed how they could see a definite difference in me since I reconnected with Julie. And, they seemed genuine.

Since living in Louisiana, Dewey has become abrasive. She swears like a sailor and has an “I don’t give a fuck” attitude. Louie is wrapped up in her own world of work, school and trying to save for a new car. Me? I’m just trying to put my life in order so I can stop jetting all over the place!

I’m nervous because Julie is nervous. Don’t get me wrong. I have no problem telling my girls to get their shit together! I’ve done it several times in the past.

I’ve reassured Julie that my girls will love her because I love her. I’ve explained that the nervousness she feels is probably similar to that tinge of terror I feel each time we visit her family.

I know we will have a good time. We will spend our short week together doing whatever we want and celebrating the holiday as a family. Hell, what family doesn’t have a certain amount of drama?

For now, though, I’m trying to find the perfect gifts for my girls and my Girl! Trying to juggle trips home, visits to South Carolina and Virginia with finishing up the last details of this semester.

I’ll get it all in and things will be fine.

I suppose that just like everything else in life, the “first” is always the hardest and scariest!