So, I got into Chicago this evening and as soon as I climbed into Julie’s truck I got an earful.
“You need to let go of that bullshit! I’m not going anywhere, I’m just as freaked out about all this as you are but your sorry ass is stuck with me… So deal with it!”
For those who don’t know what she’s talking about, I posted a password protected post earlier. (It’s the same password for those wondering)
In it I talked about some of my fears and where they stem from. I wasn’t very nice so that’s the reason for the password.
I don’t hide anything from Julie. While I don’t want her to think I’m some neurotic freak that’s still dwelling on the past, I prefer that we approach our life together from a point of complete openness and honesty. Even if that means momentarily hurting the others feelings.
I’ve explained to her (and she has seen first hand that I’m sincere) that if I don’t know something is broken, I can’t fix it.
Julie seldom uses profanity. She doesn’t necessarily object to it, she just uses it when she needs to convey her passion about something.
That being said, she abhors the word “fuck”. I’ve heard her say it and when she does, I get this look of pure terror on my face. For her to reach into her bag of adjectives and pull that one out means shit is gonna hit the fan. Luckily, it’s never been directed at me: not yet….
I, on the other hand, drop the F bomb at least 20 times a day. I deal with rough, uneducated, crude men for upwards of 12 hours a day. I hear dirty jokes, off color language and the occasional obscene gesture. I wouldn’t have made it this far in my field if I hadn’t been able to grow a pretty thick skin.
Just like most things in our lives, we tend to soak up the traits we are surrounded by.
So.. I say fuck to describe a lot of things.
One day, she took my face in her hands, gently kissed my forehead and said, “the next time I hear you say the ‘F’ word I’ll smack your mouth.” Then she kissed me and that was that.
I’ve haven’t uttered the word in her presence since.
Well, her blatant scolding of me as we were leaving the airport caught me off guard, but it wasn’t entirely surprising. She’s blunt and direct. And I LOVE that.
Just as I’m pissed off at Milly for turning my strong, independent, self reliant girl into a woman that walks around on eggshells one day and is throwing her weight around the next, Julie is now pissed at my ex. For turning me from a strong, protective force to be reckoned with, into a suspicious, scared stone.
We’ve spent the better part of the evening catching up, playing house and talking through all the baggage and bullshit that has us planted firmly where we are.
She’s sound asleep and I’m wide awake, thanks to my flipped around schedule.
Tomorrow we meet with an agent to look at a few places to live. We are still trying to figure out all logistics but we are making progress.
Sunday morning I fly back home and start classes on Monday.
She’s going to fly to Houston for the weekend starting after July 4 then I’ll be back up here at the end of July.
This next month will be crazy busy but at least we get to see each other several times.
I know I get impatient, but when you realize what it is you want to spend the rest of your life doing, and who you want to spend it with… You kinda want the rest of your life to start now!