Trying to reign it in

For my entire adult life I’ve always been the “protector”. Protecting my mother, my children, my friends, my partners.

Shielding them from pain and grief that others choose to inflict upon them.

I can never see myself changing. This is how I’ve always been. I’m sure I could sit down and allow some shrink to analyze why I have always been the one to run to another’s rescue, but since it’s so much a part of me, that would be a waste of time and money.

With Julie, I try to take a different approach. While I’m ready to jump to her aide, I have taken a “step back and see” approach. Allowing her to deal with her own dramas and frustrations.

Is this because I care less about her than I do the others in my life? Absolutely not.

I’m doing it because I know that she needs to feel as if she’s capable of taking care of herself, emotionally. Learning to recognize when people are being manipulative and hurtful.

Don’t get me wrong. She is perfectly capable. All of us are to some extent. I’ve just always been that pit bull that refuses to allow another to cause my loved one pain.

Since Easter she has been having a tough time with Milly. The two of them go at each other as if they are going to war and the one left alive is the one who will win. Milly was always jealous and possessive to an extent. Now that the two of us are involved, Milly isn’t dealing very well with that information.

I’m trying to be sympathetic. Trying to understand her side while still being supportive of Julie. Let me tell you… It’s hard!

We are putting Julie’s house on the market next month. Since it’s still in both of their names, Julie had to notify Milly. After seeing her attorney, Milly was given notice that any profit from the house would have the 50% of the invested value of the land deducted before any other money was split.

That started a shit storm!!

“That fuckin dyke you’re screwing has told you to do this! You just want to fuck me over!!”

While Julie did ask my opinion on the matter, my suggestion was literally, “talk to your attorney. See what she thinks.” And this was what she thinks.

I’ve stated in the past that when they divorced, the house went to Julie with 50% of the equity at the time it was finalized going to Milly. That money could be paid in full now, over the course of several years, or in one lump sum at sale. The same was decided upon with the land which Milly is debating on selling.

Rather than continue to be tied to each other the attorney proposed this alternative. Sell the house, take the half of the amount due for the land out of Milly’s share and move on.

I’m not sure if Milly wants to maintain these ties or if she honestly believes she’s being cheated in some way.

Whatever the case, she’s getting pretty ugly. So much in fact that it’s becoming more and more common for mine and Julie’s nightly conversations to start off with Julie in an extremely foul mood over some exchange the two have had.

In the past my M.O. would have been to jump in there, give Milly a hefty chunk of my mind and act as the wall between her and Julie. This time is different. I’m watching. Waiting. Allowing my brilliant beautiful girl to handle her mess on her terms and in her way.

If the day ever comes that she just can’t take it anymore and wants me to come to her defense, I have more than a few choice words to say.

In the meantime I’m biting my tongue. And dammit, I’m about to bite right through!

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2 thoughts on “Trying to reign it in

  1. I went through the exact same thing with my ex although I chose to keep the house. I basically had to cut my ex a check for 25k to get her name off the deed. It was a mess. I feel for Julie.

    • It’s definitely a mess. But, when we decide to buy a house, car, etcetera with our partners we never think it’s going to end. So, I would be the last person to ever say, “you shouldn’t have done that!”

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