I’ve been debating if I should blog this. It’s personal and scary as hell.

I am beginning to wonder if there is some horrible sin I’m paying for. If I’ve committed a sin so terrible that even Julie may have to pay for it.

Julie found a lump on Thursday morning.

She goes to see the doctor Monday.

We’ve talked and talked. Encouraged each other. “It may be nothing!” “Don’t worry until we know for sure!!” Said all the reassuring things that you tell your partner and yourself.

I’m angry. I’m scared. I’m confused. I promised to protect her but this I can’t fix. I can’t make it go away.

I’m not ready for this… Not even close. No one ever is but we are living a honeymoon right now!!

I’m lost right now and I need to get my shit together so she can fall apart!!

I just don’t know….


5 thoughts on “NO!!!

  1. It is so easy to jump to the worst case scenario when we are powerless to change the results. It may indeed be nothing (happens all the time) and trying not to worry until you know for sure, is a lot harder to do than one thinks, but, you do need to get your shit together. In the off chance that this does turn out to be something, Julie will need you at your strongest. The two of you together are going to be a very formidable force and can and will beat whatever comes your way. I will be thinking only good positive healthy thoughts and sending them your way. Take care

  2. I’m sorry that this is happening. Hopefully it’s nothing, but I know that the stress of waiting, can be unbearable. Stay strong my friend! Don’t panic prematurely, it only makes things harder. My wife and I are keeping you and Julie in our thoughts.

    • Thank you! I know it’s been a struggle for you and I feel so selfish for the “pity party” that we are throwing ourselves right now because we don’t know. I’ll keep you posted!

  3. Panic is natural, it takes a lot of experience to be able to stay calm when one of you has symptoms or false-positives. I hope you get to that point with each other of being able to be patient and solid and be present for the other.

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