Over the course of the past several months I’ve noticed a change in how I perceive certain people in my life.
I have friends that have been a part of my world for years. They have helped me through rough patches and hard times. They’ve picked me up and brushed me off when life knocked me down. For those efforts, I will be eternally grateful.
But some of them have changed. I say that, but the truth is that maybe it’s me that has changed. Or maybe the way I see them has changed. Whatever the case, I came to the decision that I need to distance myself from these people.
A is one if them. In the past, I was relieved to have someone who was strong willed and expressive in my life. She is the type of person that would tell you exactly what she thought, no apologies. I liked that.
Now? Not so much. I don’t know if she’s gotten so abrasive that it’s too much for me to take or if I’ve started to see and hear what she says with a more realistic attitude.
A perfect example.. I posted a completely random thought on my Facebook page the other night. Several friends commented and then she chimed in with her .02. It was crude and abrasive. At first I tried to ignore it.
A mutual friend of ours made a remark to her and that’s when all hell broke loose. A started telling me I need to delete this person from my life, that they are crazy and I don’t need that negativity.
At first I tried to diffuse the situation with humor. “I’ll get right on that, A, just because you said so. Lol”
Then she turned her venom on me. Commenting that my sarcasm was annoying, etc.
It finally ended with me just deleting the post and telling her that I welcome all opinions and views. That for me to cut someone out of my life just because they don’t have the same beliefs I do is just as hypocritical as when people view me as beneath them for the same reason.
The debate was over, our friendship was still intact, albeit a little shaky.
Then I posted a comment about my dog yesterday. MY DOG! Nothing dramatic, nothing exciting. A simple statement of “you might be a dog owner if your first 10 minutes of waking up involve walking your pooch rather than brewing coffee”
That led to an all new shit storm. “Your dog is going to see himself as the alpha in the house if you keep doing that shit. Better nip it in the bud now!”
Again, I simply stated that it was meant as a little light humor and left it at that.
Today, I noticed that she and her girlfriend have left several negative comments about how I wasn’t available to help them paint their new house. I was even called “Lame” when I apologized but explained that I was out of town.
Again, I’m not sure if this attitude has been the norm but since it’s never been directed at me I just ignored it, or if there’s something in the air.
Then there’s my friend K. I have always stood up for her. She’s abrasive and crude. Vulgar and blunt. But, she’s always been there for me so I let it slide.
I posted a pic to my Facebook page (maybe it’s Facebook I need to get rid of?? Lol) and she commented that I look like shit and need to drop about another 10lbs. Are you fucking kidding me?!?!
Even J Mac commented that she was rude and inappropriate. K? Well, she claimed she was “just keeping it real”
I’ve been a little on edge about K ever since the Easter bash at her house. She has never been a big supporter of my long distance relationship but that weekend she took things too far. So far, in fact, I told her partner I wouldn’t be back for any visits without Julie.
As we are all sitting around chatting and laughing several women show up. They each arrived separately and seemed to be close friends of K’s.
At first I didn’t pay it any mind. Then after a few minutes K calls me into the kitchen. “So, what do you think of H? Or W?”
“Huh? What? I don’t know them.”
“They’re really great girls. Go get to know them. Talk to them.”
All I could say was, “ok? Why?”
She then begins to tell me that she invited them so I could “hook up” with someone.
WHAT THE FUCK?!?!
I was livid. I explained that I have a partner and for her to disrespect my relationship was completely inappropriate.. Even if she was drunk!
The next day, she acted like nothing happened.
Again, she’s always been blunt and bold, but this time she’s gone too far.
Now, dismissing someone from my life is not something I take lightly. I have to feel confident that their absence is going to be better for me emotionally than their presence.
I’ve talked this through with Julie, J Mac and J Will. They each bring up a very good point. Keeping someone around because of the support they’ve shown is noble. But how long has it been and how often and readily is that support available?
When I was going through my break up I didn’t discuss any of it with K. I knew she’d have an “I told you so” attitude.
When I started dating again after my breakup I didn’t discuss that with A. I knew there would be unwelcome comments and judgement.
So the reality is that I need to distance myself from these people. Put some space between me and them.
If I can’t talk to them openly and honestly about events in my life, without fear of rejection or judgement, they aren’t really friends. At least not in the sense I’m used to.
So, as I sit drinking my coffee, I’m deleting posts and comments that are toxic and crude. I’m putting a buffer between myself and them. And I’m feeling ok about it all!!