For the last several days, my beloved Jenny has been dealing with an individual on her blog who is less than tolerant of her lifestyle.
The part that I’m having trouble understanding, is why this person feels the need to confront her.
In her comments (we assume it’s a female) she makes remarks about how Jenny couldn’t really be gay because she was married for so long.
Even in this day and age, it blows my mind how some people just don’t realize how difficult a decision it is to come out.
A month ago 2 young women were attacked in a small Texas town. One was killed, the other was critically wounded when an unknown assailant shot them. They didn’t know their attacker and he didn’t know them. He just knew they were gay and to him that was unacceptable.
A more widely publicized story is that of Matthew Shepard. This young man was left to die from exposure because a group of bigots saw him as less than human.
Stories like these happen everyday.
Even more common, are the stories you don’t hear about.
The teenager who hangs himself because the kids at school tease and bully him.
The man who loses his job because his boss is homophobic.
The girl who tries to overcome her sexuality by sleeping with as many boys/men as possible. After all, she can change if she really wants to and if she tries hard enough.
Then there’s my Jenny. She is sweet and sensitive. Forgiving and loving. She will look and look until she finds that one small sliver of goodness in a person. Any person. But that gentle spirit still didn’t protect her from being banished from her family when she came out.
When she came out to her family, she was still married. Wasn’t involved with a woman. Hadn’t been outed by anyone. She was simply tired of living a life that wasn’t hers to live. She was tired of fighting who she was. And she knew that she would only hurt the people who cared about her if she continued.
The person attacking my Jenny claims you can’t reconcile faith and homosexuality. I assume she means religion and homosexuality because faith is too broad a term.
As I’ve stated here, in the past, religion is man made. Religion is a choice.
Yes, I believe in God. And I think he believes in ME. That alone is faith.
The comfort and knowledge in something or someone without proof.
But that’s not religion. Religion is following a set of rules laid out in a book or set of books written thousands of years ago. Those same books have been modified, translated, and picked apart until they read in such a way that any person, on any given day, can find a passage to suit their situation or belief.
True faith means that you believe what you believe. It means that you don’t have to have proof. And above all else, you don’t have to fight to keep believing the things that matter to you.
It also means that you don’t have to fight with another to make them follow your beliefs. You simply try, then smile and walk away. Comfortable in the knowledge that you put forth the effort and their beliefs differed from yours too much for them to change.
It’s not giving up. It’s knowing when to say when and not pushing your agenda on someone who’s heart isn’t in the same place as yours.
Back to my Jenny, though.
In her blog, she has engaged with this individual. She has been polite, understanding and accepting. This is obvious from the mere fact that she approved the comment from this person, to start with.
Yet, this individual continues to be confrontational.
Others (including myself) have attempted to come to her defense. Explaining that the reader must not have read her blog in its entirety to be making such claims. Describing just how difficult a decision she had when coming out. One person was kinda blunt, but it was what we were all thinking so Jenny even allowed that comment to stay.
The poster referred to me as Ms. Burly . Funny, considering my original comment to her was sarcastic, but not mean. Afterall, my first inclination was to call her a self richeous bitch that was shoving her ideals down our throat before educating herself.
But I didn’t. Nor did I say anything foul or vulgar in my follow up comment to her.
I did what I thought Jenny would be ok with. I tried to laugh it off, then attempted to be informative.
Will it work? Probably not. Just like straight people can’t convince me to be straight, I can’t make intolerant straight people understanding.
But I will say this. Having Jenny in my life has made me change. And in a very good way. I still have fuck it moments, but they are few and far between.
While at the parade, I thought another group had hit my truck with their float. A year ago, I would have gone racing over there, screaming obscenities and “flipping out”. Instead, I knew I’d react that way so I asked Jenny to assess the damage.
Although I’m getting better, I’m still not quite there. Maybe next year I’ll be the type of person who can stroll over to the group, look at my vehicle and politely exchange insurance information and I won’t need my Jenny filter.
I guess the bottom line in what I’m trying to say, is this…..
Give me an argument about how being gay is wrong that doesn’t start with “The Bible says” or “It destroys family values”
Because neither of those arguments hold water.
We’ve discussed what the Bible does and does not say.
As for “family values”? Show me a gay couple that has adopted a child, and I’ll show you a family that chose to raise a child out of love. Not just because a condom broke. Show me a straight marriage that fell apart because a gay couple ruined the sanctity, and I’ll show you a marriage that wasn’t based on mutual love and respect to start with.
Are there homosexuals out there who have little regard for other peoples relationships? Of course. But plenty of straight people cheat every day.
Are there homosexuals that drink too much, use drugs and are sexually inappropriate? Absolutely. But, I’ve seen rehabs full of straight people and women with 4 or 5 kids by 4 or 5 different dads.
Give me a legitimate argument. Hell, tell me “being gay is icky!” At least that I can understand.
But don’t tell me we can’t be gay because we were married, had kids, slept with a guy or because the bible tells me so.
Those are just crutches. Not thoughts based on reason.