Wish me away

I was watching a documentary the other day by Chely Wright.

For those who don’t know, Chely Wright is a country singer who came out as a lesbian a few years back.

Recently, she has released her documentary called Wish Me Away.

I hadn’t heard of this film or the book that she also wrote (sorry, the title escapes me right now) until Jenny was searching for them online.

Lately, Jenny seems to be on a crusade to watch as many shows on gay/lesbians and the struggles they face, as she can.

I’m sure the folks at Netflix are wondering just what type of research we’re doing here.

Anyways, she found Wish Me Away on iTunes and downloaded it, and after some poking and podding, she convinced me to watch it.

It was good. About as good as I thought it would be.

Don’t get me wrong. Coming out is traumatic. All of us who decide to do so, think long and hard about the consequences. We know we stand to suffer alienation from our family, friends, co workers, and society, as a whole.

Some of us are even placing ourselves in a position to be verbally and physically harmed.

I lost my career in the Army because someone found out my little secret and Uncle Sam wasn’t ok with it. (FYI. Don’t ask don’t tell is a crock of shit. Those of us that enlisted before the Clinton regime were simply discharged for “fraudulent enlistment”.Nice little loophole, huh?)

I’ve had my tires slashed, my car broken into and feces rubbed all over the inside of it. I’ve had my house egged and my fair share of nervous walks at night. My kids have been bullied and berated and, as I stated, I’ve lost jobs because of it.

So coming out is traumatic. Anyone who is brave enough to do so deserves at the very least, the respect for having that type of courage.

So, I’m watching this documentary and I’ve heard all the reviews and comments from her fans. Things like, “thanks for being so brave!” “you’re an inspiration to us all”, etc.

But how realistic is this?

Chely Wright had pretty much disappeared from the public spotlight before coming out. She had a successful career and a comfortable life. The odds were in her favor, compared to the rest of us average Joes. (yes, I am a Chely Wright fan. I think she is a talented musician and damn good looking)

I mean, when I came out I had about 5 people who supported me. And no, none of them were family. The rest of the world that knew I existed would have been perfectly happy if I would just disappear. Those who didn’t know I existed would rather I never existed at all.

Ms. Wright had a fan base. Some of them decided she wasn’t worthy of their loyalty anymore. But those who left her circle, were quickly replaced by members of the LGBT community. People who say her coming out as a small victory for gay rights.

Was it? Did society change any more than it did when Ellen came out? Has it changed any at all? If anything, it seems to be getting worse.

Places that once didn’t have specifics in their laws concerning gay marriage are now amending their constitutions to exclude gays, specifically.

Now, before you get your panties in a wad, I am not saying that Ellen or Chely caused that. I’m simply stating that having these celebrities come out isn’t making change come any faster.

I’m not saying they should stay in the closet either.

What am I saying? Well hell if I know!!!

Actually, the whole point in this post is this… Coming out is hard and scary. Comparing what Chely Wright went through to what a 21 year old college student in Iowa would face is comparing apples to cocker spaniels.

The pain of losing family would be equally devastating to both. The fear of repercussions and violence would be the same as well. But what about when the dust settles?

Chely Wright is “that gay country singer”. She has thousands of supporters who cheer her on every day. She has a network of allies, due to her fame, to help buffer her from some of the abrasive crap that strangers are ready to unload.

The kid from Iowa? He doesn’t have a fan club. He doesn’t have a Facebook page with 20k in fans. He doesn’t have the financial resources to move to a community where his orientation isn’t the first thing people notice. He has his courage.

What I’m trying to say is this… Yes, Chely Wright coming out was an inspiring thing. But in my opinion, the courage it takes for the kid in Iowa to come out was probably ten times harder to muster. And, I speak from experience, a courage he somedays wish he’d never found.

Be proud of Ms. Wright. But be just as proud of the barista you see with the blue star tattoo on her left wrist. Be just as proud of the guy in skinny jeans who has tons of girl friends but no girlfriend.

Zazzle?!?!

Ok. I haven’t been blogging much lately, but right now I feel compelled to vent.

Jenny is setting up a Zazzle shop. Yeah, where you can go online and buy random junk that others think is cute and artsy.

Yep. That’s what she’s doing on our Friday night with no kids. (God forbid we could have sex!)

First, she has to think up a name. I suggested, “Natti’s porn emporium”. Can you imagine the look on your husbands face when he gets the credit card bill????!!!

My next suggestion was Midlifecrap.

She shot both those ideas down.

She liked “Adornyourself”. Wtf?!?! That kinda sucks. Where’s the ha ha factor in that?

Well, she’s still working on the name but it can’t include the words porn or crap.

So, I’m at least trying to make suggestions on what to sell.

She wants to market a shirt that says “I had my balls put on my chest to prevent chaffing.”

Ok, funny. So, I think “she’ll let me help out!! Bonding!!”

Me: how bout a fathers day card that reads “Dad, thanks for staying with mom after she got fat. You’re awesome!”

Jenny: um. No

Me: ok. A shirt that says, “if someone asks you the best way to dump their boyfriend, don’t say ‘in a lake late at night.'”

Jenny: next

Me: bumper sticker?? “Reason has been a part of organized religion ever since two naked people took dietary advice from a snake”

Jenny: I’m not listening to you. I’m making the site PG-13.

Me: “I’d kill fewer plants if they’d scream for food and water like my kids do”. Put that on a coffee cup!!

Jenny: I’m naming the site incriminatingLee. That’s all the input you can have.

Needless to say, she didn’t like when I suggested the password be rimjob69

Therefore, I can’t be held responsible if she goes bankrupt because no one will buy her crap. (but we won’t use the word crap)

Tuesday

Tomorrow I have an interview. It’s with an engineering firm that’s in Conroe and honestly, I’m not sure what I’d be doing.

As you can probably tell from my, not so enthusiastic, description; I’m not so enthusiastic.

First off, when the supervisor called me on Friday, his reaction to the discovery that I’m female, was less than joyous. After a lot of stuttering and stammering, he set me up for a 10 am slot on Monday.

I got up, showered, dressed and began the hour long trek eastward. I arrived at 9:50 only to discover that he had forgotten our appointment. “Can you come back tomorrow?” ughhhh. That’s got to be almost as unprofessional as the interview that involved profanity and a 3 hour wait in the lobby.

So, I graciously said I understood (that he’s an idiot and I’m not really impressed) and stated that he could call me to reschedule when he came in. See, all this dialogue was happening between me and another engineer because the supervisor was in Galveston.

As I was sitting here pondering my most recent applications (TxDot, a construction firm in Austin, another in Cypress) my phone rang.

It was him. “Hey, I’m so sorry about yesterday. I really want to see you so can you come in tomorrow? 8am?”

Well, I’m at the point that I’ve decided I’ll take anything that will pay the bills until one of my other prospects comes through, so I agreed.

At least this weekend Jenny and I went to Austin. A friend was admitted to the hospital for an unknown allergic reaction We saw some sights, ate at some of my favorite restaurants and hung out at my buddies house.

20120612-162630.jpg

Jenny, eating the famous Baby A’s soup. Yummy!!

20120612-162752.jpg

20120612-162806.jpg

A few shots from Innerspace caverns.

All in all, it was a decent weekend. My friend was released Sunday, we took our time driving back and started our week off.

Today, I cleaned out my truck, had the oil changed in it and Jenny’s van and just hung out.

Tomorrow, I’ll see what this place holds. Fingers crossed that his first impression was one that’s out of character for him.

Life here lately

So, it’s been a while since I’ve posted.  Some things are still the same.  We still have the on again, off again custody of the kiddos.  The youngest boy has become more verbal about staying with us more.  Apparently there is too much noise and “chaos” at his dads house, so once in a while he wants a day or two of just being able to be here and not have to listen to any drama or noise.

The youngest isn’t enjoying the idea of having to spend time at her dads as often as she has to.  She has expressed to everyone that her preference is to live here with Jenny and I full time, but, that’s not an option due to her age and the court order giving her dad joint custody.

My daughter, Louie, is going to be going to her dads for the summer starting on Saturday.  (technically, she will only be gone a month, but a month seems like a long time to me)

The job thing?  Well, I’m still waiting to hear back from Texas A&M.  Apparently, they are dealing with some red tape here and there and haven’t made an offer to anyone yet.  Considering I can’t wait indefinitely for them to call, I’ve applied at my old stand by….. The Texas Department of Transportation.  Yes, the good ole’ boys network.  It’s stable, crappy pay, good benefits, and best of all, it’s what I’ve been doing for the past 10 years.

The fact that I have, individually, won more awards for the construction of bridges and highways in the state of Texas than the entire Houston District has been awarded, combined, might be the reason that they were trying hard and heavy to recruit me a few years back.

So, when they posted an opening for a project manager (a position that hasn’t been available in this district to the general public in over 3 years) I applied.  Will I get it? Who knows.  If nothing else, the office that I’d be interviewing with would have access to my personnel file from the 10 years I was employed and will see what my work history is like.

For now?  I am still waiting and looking.  I really had no idea that it would take me this long to find a job.  I’m literally blown away.  So is Jenny.  After talking to my rep at the workforce commission, apparently the number of positions available in comparison to the number of applicants is at a record high.

For each job, there are 22 qualified applicants.  WOW!  I’m good, but the truth is, I’m still a woman in a male dominated field.  And I’m not bilingual.  Yes, that makes a difference in an area (and field) where the majority of employees that would be working for me are Spanish speaking.

God will provide.  I get frustrated.  I get disillusioned.  I get pissy.  But, I haven’t given up.  I may have to take something outside of my field to provide for us until the right job comes along but that’s just something I’ll have to do.

Other than these few developments, not much is going on.

Jenny and I are on the committee to build the float for our church for Pride so I’ll be sure to keep folks posted on that but for now, it’s the