Today was mothers day. It was a day that started out fairly nice and pretty much went to shit.
I was sitting in my truck tonight thinking. This mothers day, Jenny and I both, spent it without our mothers.
Sadly, we both lost our mom’s in September. We just lost them in very different ways.
My mother lost a 5 year battle with colon cancer on September 14 of 2011. She was never the type of mom to give lots of hugs or kisses, but I knew through her toughness that she loved me.
Last year she was upset with me. I decided that I needed to move to Houston and I brought my youngest daughter with me. I guess she felt like I took away her closest friend.
Anyways, she wasn’t speaking to me but I still made an effort to tell her I was thinking of her on that day.
I sent her a card and a text. On mothers day I texted, “Happy mothers day. I love you and appreciate all you’ve done for me. Have a great day.”
Her response? “You too.”
It wasn’t much, but at least she acknowledged me.
This year, I didn’t even have the opportunity to do that. I walked through stores seeing all the card displays and gift baskets. Watched the ads for jewelry, candy and flowers. In the end, I knew that I no longer had a mom to thank for just being my mom.
Jenny lost her mom due to the fact that she’s gay. In September, she got a text from her dad saying that they needed to cancel any upcoming plans and they’d contact her when they were ready to talk.
See, they found out about me. They weren’t/aren’t ok with the idea that she’s gay, but as long as they didn’t have to acknowledge it’s existence they pretended it wasn’t real. Jenny having a partner made it real and they weren’t ready to be forced outside of their comfort zone.
So days turned into weeks. Then weeks became months. Her adoption day, Thanksgiving, then Christmas passed. There was little to nothing said to Jenny during any of those days from her parents.
A few days ago she decided to send her mom a card. We looked at dozens. This one wasn’t right. It described a mom who is loving and accepting. That one was filled with gratitude for a mother who showed unconditional love. Others detailed an appreciation for a mom that’s a friend as well as a mother.
Finally she settled on a pretty, but basic, “I hope you have a mothers day full of love and laughter.”
Pretty benign. But, I know what she was feeling. If mom hasn’t talked to her in over 8 months, she doesn’t exactly exude the qualities described in those other cards.
For Jenny to give her one of those would have been almost sarcastic. And if nothing else, she was not going to be blatantly disrespectful.
Today we went to church, took the kids to lunch and came home to relax. While Jenny was reading her book, she got a text from her dad. “Happy mothers day. Mom loved her card. We love and miss you.”.
Yes, it was thoughtful. But the words weren’t what made Jenny cry. It was the fact that it still didn’t come from mom. Her dad was the one that acknowledged that Jenny refuses to give up on her family.
I don’t know what type of celebration they had. She wasn’t included and didn’t expect to be.
But today, both of us were forced to mourn the fact that we can’t be with our mothers on a day meant to celebrate all they sacrificed for us.
As for our kids? The girls got us cards and flowers. The boys were just boys. But we spent the day together and with most of our children. So it wasn’t half bad, in my book.