Life cycle of the North American lesbian. (pt 2)

Disclaimer: this is satirical. Do not get your panties in a wad. If they do wad, buy smaller panties.

As promised, threatened, or whatever term you want to use, this is MY interpretation of the second type of lesbian couple. (most commonly found)

2. Just friends.

Julia and Kelly have been together for 10 years. They are both educated and successful in their careers. Unfortunately, they believe that their employers would frown upon their lifestyle. So, they are in the closet with regards to everyone but their small group of friends.

They have separate houses. Keep all their assets separated. And even go so far as to make sure no one ever sees the vacation photos they have.

Julia’s office is decorated in photos of her nieces, nephews and her beloved Tater Tot. (that’s her cute fluffy white dog).

When asked about her weekend plans, Kelly typically responds with, “Nothing much going on ” and leaves everyone at arms length.

Even family holidays are a giant charade. Julia asks her mom if it’s ok to bring her “friend” for Thanksgiving dinner. No, she’s not dating anyone special. She’ll find the right guy some day. Yeah. Right!

Kelly makes sure that the people at work think she’s too submerged in her career. There’s plenty of time later for a husband and kids. Gotta build up a reputation first. Make a name for herself. Then her “family” can live the good life. I believe that one too.

They go out to dinner on any random evening. While waiting for the valet, they smile at each other and for one brief and fleeting moment almost show some sign of affection towards each other. Then, reality strikes. They part ways with the simple exchange of good byes and act as if they were nothing more than old friends.

One day Kelly finds herself the recipient of the attention of a pretty new co worker. One thing leads to another and a few hours later, they are drunk and naked in Kelly’s house. (they always seem to be getting drunk and naked. What’s up with that?!?!)

The next day, Julia finds out. She’s devastated. But what can she do? She can’t cry on her sisters shoulder. She can’t even really threaten to leave. After all, it’s almost like they aren’t even a couple.

So they pretend it never happened and go back to their routine.

Let’s fast forward.. Shall we?

Julia spends most nights with her cats. Even though she’s got 36, she knows each one by name. (hey. What happened to Tater Tot??)

Her and Kelly are still “dating” but no one would ever know that they are more than the little spinsters who are always at the coffee shop together.

They still have separate houses and both retired a long time ago. It’s almost like they’d been living in the closet for so long, they forgot they were in there.

But they keep telling each other “some day!”


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