Random conversations.

Me: Don’t you think the kids are old enough to trick or treat with their friends?

Jenny: Yes. If someone kidnapped Larry, the ransom call would be about how much money they’re willing to pay if we’ll take her back.

*********

I will preempt this one by saying, it’s not one of my prouder moments….

Jenny: This is the first time I’ve sat down all day.

Me: If you wanna find sympathy, look between shit and syphilis in the dictionary. You ain’t gonna find it here.

Jenny: (insert a look that almost melted my jaw line) Are you in a bad mood?

Me: (basically I just tried to look incredibly cute and said I was sorry. I then decided to simply go to bed before I said anything else stupid)

*****

Larry: I HATE science!

Jenny: Why? Is it hard?

Larry: No! We have to color a penis!!

******
Moe: I think I broke my penis. The right tip stings.

Me: Really?! Discretion son, discretion.

Moe: What? Larry had to color a penis in school the other day!

*****

Huey: Do you need plywood?

Me: What? No. We need milk.

Huey: I think they sell that at Home Depot.

(shortly after the lost and confused look left my face, it was explained to me that her new boyfriend works at Home Depot)

*****

Me: does this guy understand the “no sex before marriage rule?”

Huey: Yes! Of course!

Me: Good. Cause I’d hate to tell him you’re not potty trained.

****

Moe: (as he is standing in the master bedroom with a hand towel barely covering his crotch, dripping on the carpet, he says to the two oldest girls) Do we have any regular towels clean?

Huey AND Louie in unison: MOM!!

****

Me: I think when these girls finally get a job, we should give them the grocery list and they can pay for a weeks food. Then they’ll understand.

Huey: Fine. We’ll just buy generic stuff!

Louie: Generic? We’ll buy the generic generics. You know. The generic has a few stem pieces on the green beans? Well the generic generics have a few green bean pieces on the stems. It’s all fiber!

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