Lee, the bounty hunter?

Lately I’ve become pretty disillusioned with my job.

My boss is abrasive and argumentative. So much so that we’ve had 8 people quit in 6 months. That may not sound like much, but we only have 10 full time people in our office staff.

The VP likes to play in a moral gray area that isn’t entirely legal. Or, at the very least, isn’t entirely ethical.

The corporate office is currently being sued because of a parking garage that collapsed because of the gray area that they like to play in also.

But because there never seems to be an end to the steady stream of bills, I’m still here. It would be reckless to leave before I had something else.

So, I have been entertaining the idea of a career change.

Now, I served in the Army for several years. After that I had a brief stint as a prison guard. I’ve been called irascible and I’ve always managed to hold my own in tense situations. So… I’m thinking BOUNTY HUNTER.

Maybe I could be over the top enough to even get my own reality show?

I could walk around with pellet guns and mace. Wear completely inappropriate leather attire. I could get me some of those fancy schmancy zip ties they use for handcuffs now.

Can I carry a gun? I may wanna reconsider that, cause I do seem to be accident prone. I’d hate to shoot my own foot.

Maybe that’s not a great idea after all.

What about storm chaser? This one has potential. I grew up in tornado alley. I’m familiar with things like tornadoes. I’m now living in Houston. So hurricanes are also on my “been there done that” list.

I survived the wild fires in the Northern part of our county and came out unscathed. Ice storms? Yep, done that and blizzards too!

I could get me a souped up diesel truck with big ‘ol tires. Invest in some high tech video equipment and even get a cool weather chaser cb “handle”.

Do you think I’d get wet? I’m not really a big fan of getting rained on or hit by hail. I also get pretty grumpy when my feet and ears get cold. (Jenny can attest to that)

There probably aren’t enough weather events in the greater Houston metro area to warrant me not having to travel. And I’m not interested in seeing the great state of Oklahoma more than the occasional drive through on my way somewhere else.

Damnit. There seems to be a down side to all my choices right now.

Ooh, ohh! I’ve got it!!

I’ll run for public office!

Why not? I’m a straight shooter. I understand that life is full of necessary evils like taxes, trade restrictions and cut backs.

It might even be a refreshing change to some for there to be a person who has enough backbone to tell it like it is!

I never make a promise I can’t keep and I’m not good at churching things up. I’ve overseen billion dollar construction projects and had to figure out ways to “cut the fat” so maybe I have some experience with money management on a grand scale.

I just thought of something. I’d probably get caught up in some sort of scandal and my entire staff and family would have to move away from shame. I’m not talking about things like drugs or prostitutes. Not even the porn that I downloaded back in the early part of 2006. And yes, I did inhale.

No, I have an even darker side. I’m gay. I know, I know. It’s horrible. I’ve tried to quit and I have failed. Miserably. It’s just a part of who I am. But I’m sure that some radical, right wing group would drag my skeletons out of the closet.

I can see it now. There’d be interviews with my exes. Tabloids with my face and some over the top headlines that read something like , “Politicians gay lover tells about 3 some with livestock! Enquiring minds want to know.”

Ok. So maybe those won’t pan out as well as I’d like for them to. I’ll keep my eye out. I’ll pray for guidance and a little luck to be on my side. I’ll … Ooh wait! The city is hiring an infrastructure supervisor.

Excuse me. I have to fill out this application. Fingers crossed. If this doesn’t work out, I may have to go get my hair cut into a mullet and sign Jenny up for breast implants that would cause her to fall face first into the criminal we’ve just caught!


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