Holy Shit Snacks! Do you have to be so cheerful?!

We lead such crazy lives that most days we are lucky to get in bed before midnight and that damn alarm goes off at 4:45.

I love Jenny. She is the reason I put up with my asshat boss every day, and do so with a smile.

BUT, does she have to be so fuckin chipper in the morning???!!!

Me: Why can’t we win the lottery? I wanna be able to sleep til noon on a Tuesday!

Jenny: Because we never buy a ticket (she says this as she gently strokes my head. Like I’m a cocker spaniel)

Me: DAMNIT! Why do you have to be so fucking logical this early?!

Jenny: I don’t know. (then she kisses my head and finishes her hair)

Now, I finally drag my dead ass out of bed and get in the shower. As I’m standing in front of the dresser in my boxers and a tank I can see Jenny out of the corner of my eye. She seems to be watching me very closely. Like I may explode or something.

Now, I need to explain that while we “live” together we actually still maintain 2 houses. Neither of our leases are up for another several months, and neither place is big enough for our motley crew, so we split our time.

Last night we stayed at my house.

Jenny: Ok. Is there a reason behind your drawers?

Me: huh? (insert deer in the headlights look)

Jenny: Well, I see you open one drawer and close it, then another, like you are looking for something specific.

Now… I’m going to interject here. I’ve been a “bachelor” for way too long. I work in construction and have never been accused of suffering from OCD. So for me to be looking for a “specific” article of clothing is funny.

Me: No. Not anything specific. Just something clean to wear. Why?

Jenny: Well, do you have an order to your drawers?

Me: Duh! They are clean and half assed folded. Tada! Order!!

Jenny: No. I mean do you put all your long sleeve t shirts in one drawer, shorts in another?

Me: Um…. No.

Jenny: Ok. It’s no biggie. I was just wondering.

At this point I start opening drawers and looking through them to see if maybe I do have some subconscious order to things.

As I am doing this Jenny shouts, “Wait! Are those pajama bottoms in with t shirts?!?! Now, I have an issue!!”

Just for the record… I’m amazed I even OWN a pair of pajama bottoms.


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